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May 4, 2016

To Steal the Moon

The idea was simple- to steal the moon and stop time in the process so that no one will perceive it had ever been done. I didn’t know of any, but precautions needed to be put in place to avoid incurring the wrath of some galaxy police swat team that might be worried that the universe will be set off balance if the moon was stolen, or borrowed, more like. My confidant listened to the whole plot silently as I detailed my meticulously drawn steps. I finished finally, inhaling deeply, gasping for breath and dripping off smartness, or so I thought. She smiled and said two words, “Selfish. Impossible.” Then she added the phrase that made me rusticate her as my personal confidant – “Never say this anywhere. People will think you are mad.”

Selfish? I mean it’s not that I was stealing the moon for good. I was just borrowing it for a few minutes, maybe seconds. I was returning it as soon as the job was done. Neither was I doing it in broad daylight…silly me, who will need the moon while bathed in sunlight. But that was the point! No one actually needed the moon, even in the evenings. There were enough man-made lights to do the work of the moon times thousand. Get my meaning? Plus I was stopping time. No one will ever know the moon was stolen, except the reason why I was stealing the moon.


You see that reason was a person, a lady. I like rendering things simply so this is it – she had obliviously stolen my heart, but she wasn’t even looking my way, so I was going to steal the moon for her and get my heart back with hers in addition for safe keeping. The world was going to be done a wonderful service. I steal the moon, I show it to her, she loves it, she loves me, she marries me, we procreate, we fill the world with bouncy, purposeful…erm…world-saving babies. Period! Was this a selfish plan?

Let’s just say it was selfish. But between you and me, how impossible could it be? As long as we could see the moon, it existed, by logic, it could be touched and stolen. Twenty-one years of life had proved to me that nothing was impossible under the sun. Unless the moon existed outside the perimeter of the sun, this brilliant plan of mine was at worst not too possible, but impossible, never! The impossibility of my idea was impossible and I was going to get it done.

‘To steal the silvery moon,

Hire for yourself a goon

And obtain alive your boon’

This was my simple plan. So I found myself a goon. My best friend, who was a hair’s breadth taller and a tad crazier than me agreed to play my side-kick in my all so ingenious plan. In his hand was the highly sophisticated machine with cutting edge technology of wonderful optical veracity that we were going to use to execute our plan. I rubbed my palms together and motioned the plan into action. “Let’s do this”.

20111019172149_beautiful-moon-lightWe had assiduously chosen this evening to coincide with the full moon. I was definitely not going to steal a half-moon. The moon cast unto our path its silvery glare, blessing us on our escapade. We ambushed the lady as she walked down the “Lovers’ walk”. She caught my eye which was fragranced with subtlety, a whiff of naivety but scented with a dewdrop of masculinity. I had rehearsed my lines carefully. They flowed off naturally from my lips “If you wouldn’t mind.” She stared at me a little confused, but I pointed to my side-kick and meaning drew across her face. “O, don’t worry”.

She inched closer to me. I could feel the sweat coursing down my back like a surfer riding at the mercy of the waves. An avalanche of heat rose up my neck. I couldn’t breathe but I had to savour this moment to the fullest. Her arm was around my waist. I didn’t know where mine was. I couldn’t even feel it.

“Smile,” my side-kick said and pressed the ‘capture’ knob. It wasn’t until the flash of the camera did its arc across our faces, that I realized my goon had used the wrong words. He was supposed to have said “say cheese!” so that both of us would show our full set of teeth. But I was more than content with this. It was enough.

The lady was just a crush. Someone whose heart I knew I would never have. All I needed was a picture of hers with the full moon in the background and at that particular moment, time was going to stop for me as I relished my victory.

When later I had shown the picture to my confidant, re-instated, she literally threw her head away in her shrill, whine of a laugh, “All you did was steal an image of the moon, nothing more.” “Duh!” escaped from my mouth effortlessly. Of course, what else had I said I was going to do? She was just not smart enough to read between the words. Hey, was that the right expression?


Author: Kwasi ‘Sei, threesixtyGh

Everything is possible