I have a new phobia. I haven’t been a fan of phobias. In fact, I was an ardent believer that phobias do not exist. I was an anti-phobia evangelist but this July, I was hit with one of the phobias I emphatically said didn’t exist. Thanatophobia (fear of death) came to stay with me, crawled into my life and had its way with me.
I died. It no longer became a fear but a reality. A reality that hit me right in the face. My ghost could wander up and about in search of my body only to realize it had a life. My body was having interactions with other bodies. I never knew where I was or what to expect next. Life for me was a doomsday in the 16th century. I died, I could see the separation of my body from my spirit.
The untimely death of a friend maximized the reality of fear of death. I didn’t know he would go; we laughed the previous night over one of our escapades. Maybe pacification ought to be done was what came to mind first. Where I come from, that’s what my people always think of first. But I couldn’t think of any bad deed I had done to call for pacification. I shrugged it off, paid my last respects to my friend and bid him a sound sleep in heaven.
Each and every week that passed in July was always a week of senseless nightmares of my inexistence and disappearance from the surface of the earth. I assumed the feeling would eventually dissipate but July ended and August came to add salt to injury. My woes didn’t seem like they would fade away.
I had always had the thought that dreams were a result of man’s imagination; one that he couldn’t contain during the day and he took to sleep. I didn’t believe in dreams. All I knew was to conquer my fears & thoughts and there would be nothing left for me to ponder over in the evening. August was different. My nightmares were consistent, repetitive and scary. What a moment!
Then came the call from my uncle who is a pastor at one of the charismatic churches. At last, the beacon of hope I was waiting for finally came. Admonishment was on the blackboard together with prayer and fasting. He came to reveal and prophesy into my life with all what God, a greater being had shown him or probably told him. I believed. My moment of desperation wouldn’t let me consider if I believe in God or not.
We are in September already, somewhere in the middle and I can’t hide my joy because I never had the slightest intuition my birthday would meet me on earth. I’m alive now, but I died and I’m here to declare the goodness of the Lord as the message came.